Note: "Save the title 'till last" - (a testament to boredom)

The ambiguity of this poem is I think part of it’s awesomeness. As a small explanation, it was constructed by myself and three others who were sitting round a table in a leaky conservatory in a shared house on the outskirts of Oban, Scotland. We’d not had internet since we arrived several days before, the weather was torrential rain and we were quite bored. We did, however, have a fairly large supply of amusing quotes and experiences from the last couple of days - which are the source of many lines and much of the inspiration behind it.

“Save the title ‘till last”

I hope that’s not a tomato
blocking my flow,
I feel I’m slowly turning
from a rock into a seal

I’m sitting in the living room,
In my inflatable canoe,
with my wine bottle of soup
and my little pot of Gu

The shower that floods the hallway,
And the heat that doesn’t go,
The missions to the bathroom,
To make the bubbles flow...

Sitting in “Old Gappy”
getting dripped on by the rain
we have the strangest feeling,
That we’re all going insane.

The washing machine
that spins them wet
is far from being fun,
not enough switches for all of the lights,
And far too many for none.

In the kitchen, where time stands still,
And coal sandwiches are discussed,
We’ve come to the conclusions,
That the internet is a must!

Or the army of rock seals,
Will come to steal the day,
Oi! Don’t take the piss
or you’ll be sor-aaay!

This poem serves as proof,
that you should never have let,
The four of us live here,
without the internet!